Chapter 2

Their seats were in the last row. After taking their seats, the two remained silent for a long time, each chewing and digesting their own emotions. After takeoff, Baoyin pulled down the sunshade, and the cramped space was instantly plunged into darkness

We meet every year during the Spring Festival, have a meal, and take a nap. I have not been in a relationship since then, and he says he hasn't either, who knows

She sits in a dream that is nearing its end, where light adorns the night, like starlight falling upon a distant sea, both illusory and fragmented

Kong Kong patted Bao Yin's shoulder and said, "Let's go, it's time to board."

After the event concluded, the crowd gradually dispersed, with most colleagues following the editor-in-chief and guests to a dinner gathering. Biwei, alone and somewhat dazed, walked towards the bus stop. It was only when she was nearing the station that she realized the novel she had casually taken out and her organized notes had been packed into her bag together. Thus, she hurriedly turned back to return the book, taking advantage of the clarity of her thoughts.

But the funniest thing is that he appeared again during the Spring Festival, sending a message saying he wanted to see me, and I immediately blocked him. A few days later, I added him back, telling myself that I would just see what tricks he wanted to play this time. The empty voice became hoarse, reminding Baoyin of the sound of short nails scraping across frosted glass. She continued, "But the moment I saw him, I became even more certain that I was doomed. I tried hard not to let him discover that I didn't actually hate him, pretending to be very indifferent. When he explained that he left because a senior brother was willing to invest in him, and he had to give it his all and fight again, I was just sneering all the while. The sound of short nails scraping across frosted glass reminded Baoyin again, and she continued, "But the moment I saw him, I became even more certain that I was doomed. I tried hard not to let him discover that I didn't actually hate him, pretending to be very indifferent. When he explained that he left because a senior brother was willing to invest in him, and he had to give it his all and fight again, I was just sneering all the while.

In just two short sentences, she was left speechless with surprise. She had never read the book by × ×, and she was not even very familiar with the person × ×; the selection of guests was determined by the editor, and she knew nothing at all.

The atmosphere at that moment was clearly somewhat heavy, and both individuals, who were not particularly foolish, immediately understood what had transpired in the instant their gazes met

There is still more than an hour left, would you like to chat

Ah, right..." She realized that she was somewhat inexplicably nervous and was unable to introduce herself smoothly. After a moment, she mustered the courage to keep the conversation going: "You don't seem like the type of person who would come to this event."

She said that she received a call from her mother last night. Although her tone was gentle, the content made her very uncomfortable. Her mother said: "We all don't know what you are dragging your feet on. You have been together for so long, and we have prepared everything for you, yet there has been no movement from your side. I know you don't want to have children right now, and I have discussed this matter with his mother as well. No one is forcing you to have children at this moment, but at the very least, can't you get married first?"

They all put on their headphones, closed their eyes, seemingly intending to take a nap. After Kong Kong finished listening to a song, she suddenly opened her eyes and happened to meet Bao Yin's gaze.

Moreover, her innate sensitivity made her adept at concealing her true thoughts from a young age, leading her parents to perceive her as a well-behaved but not particularly intelligent child for a long time. Consequently, they were even less inclined to impose excessive demands or criticize her. From an early age, she intuitively understood that being obedient and foolish together formed a good protective layer—one could only display naivety in certain matters to potentially gain freedom in others

Kong Kong recalled the topics she had covered in the weekly magazine, and the examples she reported were all girls. By conventional standards, those girls were not as outstanding as Baoyin in various aspects, yet the pressure, grievances, and even feelings of shame they endured in this matter were comparable. They clearly had their own goals, things they wanted to do, and values they wished to realize, and they had never hesitated to express them, but apart from themselves, no one cared.

"There are always things more important than me, I have gotten used to it." She originally wanted to respond this way, but in a flash, she realized that there was no need to say anything. Shen Feng had already told her what Yan Yiming had not disclosed to her—"You rank relatively low in his value hierarchy"

"However, there is a convenience store downstairs, which is quite convenient," he said nonchalantly. Biwei then understood the source of the languid aura that surrounded him; a successful person would not possess such an expression, nor would they speak in that manner. What was alarming was that she found herself inexplicably drawn to this quality.

Many years later, Kong Kong would remember the initial encounter with Yan Yiming, which was, in fact, so ordinary, devoid of any dramatic flair, and even lacking in poetic romance. He was undoubtedly a handsome man, but certainly not to the extent that he could be recognized at a glance in a crowd. What truly caught her attention was the air of quiet suffering that surrounded him, as if he had taken a few punches yet never cried out in pain.

She had already seen him before she reached the reading area

In contrast, Kong Kong appeared much more embarrassed; her face and shoulders drooped together, resembling a teenager who had attempted theft. It was difficult for one to discern whether she felt more shame or despair.

What happened later

What does Ye Boyuan think? Have you discussed it?

Can you believe it, she is actually an educated woman! After saying this, Baoyin ordered another cocktail

At that time, leveraging the colossal beast of the internet, various new media and social software experienced rapid development and consolidation, leading to a sharp reduction in the survival space of print media, whose influence gradually waned, reaching a state of decline. Nevertheless, in Qingcheng, this established weekly magazine, due to its long-standing history, good reputation, large circulation, and abundant advertising resources, had not yet shown signs of decline, especially among the literary youth community, where it still held considerable appeal.

I am sorry, I am still in Hangzhou tonight. Are you leaving tomorrow

Love may not necessarily perish due to a lack of response, but it will surely wither away from repeated disappointment. Kong Kong feels that the time is drawing near

At the beginning, Li Biwei was only responsible for writing articles related to recommended books, movies, and fashion information for the supplement, which were considered marginal content that added a touch of elegance. However, due to her fresh and lively writing style, along with a keen sensitivity typical of young people, this small section gradually gained considerable recognition. Once her internship period was completed, she successfully became a full-time employee. Subsequently, the editor-in-chief would occasionally take her along for interviews, partly to have her assist, but more importantly, to focus on nurturing her.

Li Biwei can ascertain that this person will not ask any questions. He arrived at this event by chance, lacking enthusiasm and purpose, as if he were merely wandering through the city and inadvertently stumbled into this place

I had read several novels by × × before, back when I was in school, which was indeed a long time ago. Last week, when I came here to buy books, I saw the announcement on the event poster at the entrance that he would be a guest, so I came to take a look today

During that time, she was startled and suspicious, and at her worst, she could only rely on alcohol to fall asleep. By the time spring had passed, she finally reached a conclusion—that nothing significant had occurred; she was merely an interlude in his low period, a piece of driftwood, an unimportant and silly girl. Their relationship was brief and superficial, not worthy of him formally providing her with an explanation

Biwei had not yet had the chance to say anything more when he had already left

She noticed that the event was already in its later stages while she was going to get her second cup of coffee. All the seats were filled, and those arriving later could only find a small space to stand. This was the true exchange segment, and from the questions posed by the young attendees, she could tell that most of them were still students. Only souls untouched by the dust of the world would concern themselves with art, creation, ideals, the direction of life, and how to navigate such matters.

Baoyin gazed out the window, the sky had already darkened. A phrase lingered on her tongue as she hesitated whether to confess her truest feelings—Kongkong's emotions towards Yan Yiming. Although there was no fairness to speak of, it reflected an absolute honesty and fullness. Every sentiment described by Kongkong, every subtle feeling, was extracted from pain; it was undoubtedly love, even if it was one-sided.

The aircraft announcement sounded again, informing all passengers that there are thirty minutes remaining until the scheduled arrival time. Passengers are requested to adjust their seat backs, stow away the tray tables, and open the window shades. The restrooms will soon be unavailable for use

In front of that bookshelf, there is already a person standing

"Yes, it seems that Chen Ke wants to go eat hot pot. Would you like to join us?" "No, my package has already arrived this morning, and I need to go home to organize my new clothes." Baoyin's voice was filled with joy, and her smile revealed a sense of ease. The staff called from behind the counter: "Miss Zhou's coffee is ready." She walked over and brought back two cups of iced American coffee.

"I didn't mean it that way." She searched her mind for the right words, wanting to accurately express the feelings he evoked in her, but the sensation was too vague and uncertain. After some effort, she ultimately had to give up.

In the end, it was she who approached, after all, she was still holding the book that she needed to return to someone else

If it were not for Baoyin's direct inquiry, perhaps she would never have had the courage to share with anyone the torment and inner conflict she experienced last night throughout her entire life

At Hongqiao Airport, just as they had arrived, Baoyin was dragging a 24-inch suitcase while Kongkong was still carrying that lightweight ginger-colored large bag. On Saturday, they visited several places, shopping until their calves ached. Baoyin bought several pieces of spring clothing, but upon returning to the hotel, she found that the suitcase could not accommodate them at all, so she simply called for a courier to send them back to Beijing. Kongkong did not buy anything; she was absent-minded the entire day. Baoyin bought several pieces of spring clothing, but upon returning to the hotel, she found that the suitcase could not accommodate them at all, so she simply called for a courier to send them back to Beijing. Kongkong did not buy anything; she was absent-minded the entire day.

They went to a home-style restaurant and exchanged a few words amidst the noise. She learned his name and age, realizing he was not as old as he claimed. During this conversation, she also discovered that he was currently in a low period of his life. He had originally run a small company, which did not perform well. After settling the severance pay for his employees, he was left with only 20,000 to 30,000 yuan in cash. He was now living in a friend's vacant apartment, which contained only a bed, a water heater, and an old washing machine. During this conversation, she also learned that he was currently in a low period of his life. He had originally run a small company, which did not perform well. After settling the severance pay for his employees, he was left with only 20,000 to 30,000 yuan in cash. He was now living in a friend's vacant apartment, which contained only a bed, a water heater, and an old washing machine

Before the first new leaf had even sprouted on the roadside sycamore tree, Yan Yiming had completely vanished from her life. To be precise, he did leave her some signals, but the message stated, "I have some matters to attend to out of town," and then there was no further communication.

They walked towards the boarding gate

She has become more silent; after the magazine's revision, all the articles she wrote, those she interviewed, and those she was responsible for editing have been signed with a blank name.

She glanced at the person beside her, and he also looked at her. She smiled politely, while the other person turned away with a blank expression

Baoyin took a deep breath and let out a sigh: "I have been emphasizing on the phone that I am on a business trip and have work tomorrow, yet it seems she cannot hear my voice. She does not care whether it affects my emotions or my state, and only says what she wants to say. She has said at least three times, 'You are turning twenty-eight soon, do you think you are still young?' My goodness."

She took five days of annual leave, combined with a weekend, and spent six days in Angkor. During the day, she visited various attractions, and in the evenings, she read and wrote in her hotel. Upon her return, she brought some dried fruits and refrigerator magnets for her colleagues, who all remarked that she had tanned and appeared much more mature.

Baoyin's expression resembled one that held a bitter candy. What Kongkong spoke of and what she thought were fundamentally different matters. She foolishly assumed that behind Kongkong's eager anticipation lay a pursuit of novelty and stimulation, a new person, a strange possibility, a momentary impulse, and self-indulgence. She did not realize that it was an old person, an old sentiment that had long been lodged in Kongkong's heart. Although Kongkong seemed to be living quite well, with friends and a lover, she still occasionally revealed that look in her eyes, as if something could no longer be found. This was the reason. It was an old person, an old sentiment that had long been lodged in Kongkong's heart. Although Kongkong seemed to be living quite well, with friends and a lover, she still occasionally revealed that look in her eyes, as if something could no longer be found. This was the reason.

She was slightly taken aback, as if she had become someone else, with a demeanor that was usually characteristic of the person she had just encountered.

Throughout the entire winter, she completely regarded their relationship as a romance—although neither of them had made it explicit. In fact, the things they did were what all couples would do: dining together, going on dates, watching movies, attending his friends' gatherings. When someone next to them asked Yan Yiming, "What does your girlfriend call you?" he replied, "She calls me Weiwei"

The salon is held in a reading space, where the owner is a friend of the editor-in-chief. The venue fee is charged at a very low rate, and free beverages are provided at the entrance corner

Baoyin first spoke about her parents, and then about Ye Baiyuan's parents. She mentioned that it was probably because she would turn twenty-eight next month, and by October, Ye Baiyuan would be twenty-nine. Although they themselves saw no issue with this, both sets of parents had increasingly begun to inquire about their marriage plans. She was unsure how Ye Baiyuan cleverly evaded their questions, but she could clearly feel the two forces intertwining, all directed towards her.

However, Kong Kong quickly thought that their situation was still different from Bao Yin's—those few girls were all single, and they had not encountered their destined partners, but Bao Yin, she had Ye Baiyuan, didn't she

A colleague came around from behind and quietly asked Biwei, "The editor-in-chief said we should have a dinner gathering tonight and asked me to count the number of attendees. Are you coming?"

After having a few drinks, they easily regained their intimacy, and their conversation flowed much more smoothly.

Love is so fragile, full of flaws; even if it does not involve loyalty, it will inevitably touch upon loneliness, exhaustion, and the frustration of self-doubt. Without having loved humbly, one cannot understand. Baoyin softly said in an almost inaudible voice: "But I have always felt that if one has never felt humble, then one has not truly loved."

At first, there was nothing amiss; they were both single and shared common topics. She could speak candidly to him about her ideals without fear of being ridiculed. He understood far more than she did, and throughout many conversations, she could feel her thoughts gradually expanding. Most importantly, they shared the same fascination with each other's bodies, which held groundbreaking significance for Biwei. For the first time in her life, she realized that sex is not merely one party's plunder or release over the other, but can also be a profound and deeper connection between them. Most importantly, they shared the same fascination with each other's bodies, which held groundbreaking significance for Biwei. For the first time in her life, she realized that sex is not merely one party's plunder or release over the other, but can also be a profound and deeper connection between them.

She had considered calling him to clarify things, or perhaps going to his friends to ask if they knew what was going on, but in the end, her self-esteem held her back. She felt powerless, drifting through a sea of negative emotions all day long, with the remnants of her strength and rationality devoted entirely to her work, while her life had long since fallen apart in silence

After hesitating for a moment, Kong Kong said: "Alright"

"In any case, it was I who approached him first." Much later, on the plane, Kong Kong admitted this fact to Bao Yin

Since last night, I have been filled with a sense of gratitude. It is not directed towards you, nor towards that person; rather, I believe I am simply grateful that events are unfolding in the direction my subconscious most desires. I am thankful for a certain force that has prevented me from falling into the abyss, that has kept me from becoming irretrievably trapped in a moral deadlock, even though I have always been in a passive position

She shook her head: "I am not going, I need to go back and finish the manuscript, it has to be sent out tomorrow." After her colleague walked away, the person next to her suddenly spoke to her: "Are you a staff member?"

Later, we still went to sleep. I do not know why, but it seems that this person has grasped my lifeline, and I easily forgave him... However, I have also learned to think positively; at least I will not hold onto unrealistic hopes as I did before

Time seems to be out of balance; fifty seconds pass slowly, while three days can slip by in the blink of an eye

He looked at her, his gaze calm. In that moment, many thoughts flashed through his mind, but in the end, he still gave her the address

Oh my, it feels so humble to say it myself, " he doesn't love me, right? Isn't this just another proof of that?"

After leaving that restaurant, they wandered aimlessly on the street for quite a while. In just a short time, Biwei had already been imbued with a sense of vagabond spirit by Yan Yiming. Passing by a nut shop, he asked her: "Would you like to eat some chestnuts?"

She has lost 7 kilograms, and the dark green dress she bought last year hangs on her like a large piece of ill-fitting fabric

How could this be? Empty is genuinely surprised, "You all look so well-matched"

She tried her best to appear calm, like someone who was truly accustomed to disappointment, but as soon as she spoke, her sadness revealed itself through the tremor in her voice. She confessed to Baoyin: "Yes, when you knocked on the door, I thought it was him... I know this is wrong, even sinful, but it seems there is no way to avoid expecting something... You might not believe it when I say this, but when I saw that the person outside the door was you, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief... I know this is wrong, even sinful, but it seems there is no way to avoid expecting something... You might not believe it when I say this, but when I saw that the person outside the door was you, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief"

The vacant gaze seems to be looking back at the night that has just passed

That year, she had just graduated, youthful and impulsive, brimming with a vibrant energy of youth. She began an internship at a weekly magazine in Qingcheng, where everyone called her Li Biwei or simply Biwei

Baoyin was drenched in sweat; she had expended too much effort in the stories of others, and now she herself was utterly exhausted

No matter how dull she is, she knows what this means

During her time at Biwei University, she signed up to participate once and had a very enjoyable experience. Perhaps this can be considered a kind of serendipity, as that pleasant experience sparked her curiosity and fondness for the weekly publication

Last night, on a whim, she wanted to have a drink on the last night of her business trip. Therefore, instead of sending a WeChat message, she went straight to knock on Kongkong's door, hoping to invite her to the bar on the top floor of the hotel. When the door opened, there was an expression on Kongkong's face that was unusually eager.

It was already past eleven o'clock at night, and Kong Kong decided not to wait any longer. This was, of course, a rather self-deceptive statement; the reality was that she had no further reason to wait.

Once, I could not hold back and succumbed to my own weakness. I told him that I still loved him. That was the only time in my memory that we seriously discussed this matter. He said he knew everything, but he could not bear my feelings. I felt that this was probably not the whole truth.

In accordance with tradition, the weekly magazine will hold a cultural salon at the end of the year. In addition to inviting several scholars, professors, and writers as guests, others who are interested in the event can register to participate on their own.

After their eyes met, they both halted their movements, an invisible tension brewing between them. Both were struggling with their own competitive spirits. The scene held a certain symbolic significance—something Biwei only realized later—they had both been attempting to secure a position advantageous to themselves from the very beginning

After passing through security, they went to buy coffee. While waiting for the coffee, Baoyin said: "If we take off on time, we will arrive around 4 o'clock, and you can have dinner with your boyfriend"

I no longer wish to read it; the things he wrote in previous years are already unbearable. The words reveal a selfishness and sordidness of a self-satisfied old man, along with hypocrisy.

I would like to corroborate my opinion, he took out his phone to check the time, I have to leave

What do you think the truth is

He stepped out from the door, wearing a slate-colored coat, with a hint of annoyance on his face that was barely perceptible to others. Until his gaze shot towards her like an arrow, that trace of annoyance vanished, and he returned to a calm demeanor.

Kong Kong has not yet had personal experience; her parents do not pay much attention to her matters. Although she envied those classmates and friends who had close relationships with their parents when she was young, in recent years she has suddenly realized that her family's way of interacting, which is carefree and unconcerned with details, is not without its own wisdom

Kong Kong later realized that Baoyin might have started sharing her personal matters in order to help her escape from that predicament. This aligns with Baoyin's principle of handling affairs—if I inadvertently catch a glimpse of your secret, then I will also share one of my secrets with you to put you at ease

She held the hot paper bag in her hands, her heart feeling as if it were about to burst. She wished that this night would never end, that the road had no end, as an unprecedented fervor of desire surged through her body.

The electronic screen at the boarding gate displayed "Boarding Started," and the passengers in the same waiting area began to rise and line up. The two of them were among the few who remained still.

This time, it is her first participation as a staff member in the year-end salon. The tasks assigned to her are not particularly difficult, merely menial work. Overall, on this day, she only needs to dress neatly and cleanly, find a discreet spot to listen to the exchanges between the seniors and the youth, and take notes and organize them. Later, it will suffice for her to write an article about this salon.

That was the way they began, and later, it became their only way

Are you going to write something tonight? Yan Yiming reminded her that it was time to part ways

Suddenly, Baoyin said: "You are waiting for someone very important, aren't you?" Although it was a question, the tone was assertive.

"Do you sleep late?" She tilted her face up and looked straight at him, "I don't need too long; once I'm done, I can contact you."

He?" Baoyin raised an eyebrow and smiled, "Although I haven't asked, I am certain that his resistance to marriage is no less than mine.

He smiled and said, "Why? Is it because I am too old?"

Biwei suddenly realized. The writer is currently on stage answering a question from a girl, seemingly asking him what his next work will be about and when it will be released

"Aren't you not going to the dinner? Let's have a meal together," he said. It was hard to articulate the reason, but Biwei could tell that he was quite certain he would not be refused.

Baoyin remained composed and did not reveal any emotions, simply inviting Kongkong to go out together as intended, to which Kongkong eagerly agreed

When Biwei arrived, there were already some people seated inside, most of whom appeared to be young students. The seats were simple folding chairs that had been rented, and they were not comfortable to sit on, but no one paid attention to such details. Biwei waved her hand at the editor-in-chief from a distance, signaling her arrival, and then she sat down on the chair at the far end of the last row, casually pulling a novel from the nearby bookshelf to begin browsing through it.

By the time Biwei understood that everything was over, she was so overwhelmed by the absurdity of it all that she could not even cry. This state of being lost in thought lasted for a long time, and she was on the verge of madness

It doesn't matter anymore, nothing matters anymore. She didn't know if it was the alcohol that made her mind hazy, but she actually started to laugh, feeling that she was both foolish and despicable—she had even worn that champagne-colored silk lingerie today. Before Baoyin came to call her, she had been sitting on the sofa by the window, staring blankly at the dazzling lights outside.

She completed her tasks in just over an hour. On the way to find Yan Yiming by taxi, she kept trembling, even her fingertips were burning hot. All her instincts had failed her; Li Biwei had no inkling of the sadness and pain that person would bring her in the future. Or rather, even if she had foreseen the outcome at that moment, she would have been utterly powerless to stop herself.

Are you waiting for someone? she asked, uttering a meaningless question

Hahaha, you said 'it seems' again, hahaha...

She sat beside him, one hand tightly held by him. The surface of the calm lake showed not a ripple.

Yan Yiming opened the door and saw her, without saying a word, she had already kissed him. In that apartment, which could be described as bare to the walls, they spent the entire night together

She returned holding a cup of coffee, only to find that someone else had occupied the chair. She smiled silently, not taking it to heart, and quietly stepped back a few paces, standing in front of a bookshelf.

What left the deepest impression on Kong Kong last night was Bao Yin's slightly tipsy face and the smudged black traces of mascara that had spread across her eyelids. They left the bar after midnight. Kong Kong's phone had been left in the room charging; upon returning to the room, she saw a new WeChat message from Yan Yiming, delivered twenty minutes ago.

His sudden departure, in a certain sense, completely shattered her trust in love. She contemplated many possibilities: perhaps he had someone else? Perhaps he was in debt? She even employed the imagination that should have been used for writing novels to speculate whether he had committed murder

"So you still go to see him?" She suddenly thought of this.

She asked softly, "Are you still reading his books now?"

That was almost her last chance; if she just took a step back, everything would be fine, yet she was determined to charge forward.

"It's nothing, he just disappeared, all of a sudden." The empty tone is very flat, seeming both trivial and as if it has been rehearsed many times.